[Not so great.]
December 27th, 2003 -- 12:52 a.m.

No matter how wonderful of a day I have, there's always something about it that gets screwed up in some way. It never fails.

It all started out wonderfully. I got up at 5:47, went to work with Mom, and actually enjoyed it. We were there for about 6 hours, but we got a lot done, and I got to see quite a few people that I wouldn't have seen had I been at home being a bum. (ie, Phillip, Mr. Rosse, DJ, Cherise, Mrs. Janette, Leslie's dad, etc.) After we got finished, Mom and I were straight tired, so we came right home, and I came in my room and layed down, intending to just relax for a little while. Well, my relaxing turned into sleeping from 1:00 until about 5. Heh. A nice little four hour nap. It works. Well, when I woke up, I just kind of rolled out of the bed, and I was quite ill for some reason. I went to look for Mom to ask her something, and I realized she was out in the garage, so I opened the door and stood there to look for her, and about the time I got there, she walked up to the doorway, and looked at me. I just kinda stood there with my sleepy-dumbfounded look, and she reached up and popped me in the face for no reason...She didn't like, hit me or anything, but it shocked me because I had just gotten up, and was already confused, so my reflex was to try to pop her back, and about the time I went to do it, she stepped down from the step at the door, and instead of hitting her shoulder, I got her face. You would have thought that I had punched her in the mouth. She freaked out. She ordered me to go to my room, and stay there. I had no light in my room, because my light had busted, she told me not to use the phone not to turn on the television, and not to get on the computer. So, I just came in here and sat down on my bed.

Later on, I went to apologize to her, and she was still extremely pissed off at me. I explained to her the reason that that had happened, and that I didn't mean to do it, but no matter what I said to her, it just made things worse. She was pissed, she had made my dad mad, and the whole family was pretty much at each other's throats.

Then of course, I had to start thinking about a bunch of crap again, and everything just hit me all at once, and I started crying, and couldn't stop. I went to walk through the house to get something to drink, and Mom looked at me and saw that I had been crying, and apparently thought that I was trying to get pity from someone, and she just looked at me and rolled her eyes...So, I just took my not-so-happy tail back to my room, and tried to dry my eyes, but I couldn't...No matter how hard I tried, it just didn't work. I don't know what was wrong...And no, I'm not trying to get pity from anyone, but this is my place to let loose, and if you don't like it, don't read it. Do something else.

Anyway...if it hadn't been for Nick and my dad tonight, I would've lost it. My dad brought me food, and something to drink, seeing as I was a "prisoner" to my room..Heh. He told me that I'll be allowed to have my exercise at 8 in the morning, and a shower at 9. Heh. "This prison will be a well-oiled machine, I tell you." My dad can be the greatest sometimes. :)

So, anyway. Everyone finally went to bed, and I got on the computer, seeing as Mom said that I could get on "tomorrow", and as of midnight, it's "tomorrow". So here I am.

I just wish people knew. I wish there was some way I could tell them. People think that things are so wonderful for me, and for the most part, they really are...But when something happens, it's rough. I just don't tell people about it. It doesn't happen that often, and I'm aware that I have it much better off than a lot of people do, but I'm not used to having to deal with this kinda crap, so when it does happen, it's rough. Once again, I don't want your comments about my complaining. Just keep them to yourself, or take them elsewhere.

The only thing that can make anything better right now is God...and time. That's the only thing that really gets me through...God...I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that going for me. I'd be lost. Completely lost.

Who am I kidding? I am lost.

<3

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